When we discuss mentoring, we often focus on the mentee as the person that is being supported. It is interesting to see this approach, as in all the mentoring programmes that I have supported or led on, it is a focus on the mentors that has added the most value and impact.
The three key reasons for this extra mentoring value being achieved are:

• People who have mentored are highly likely to mentor again and support more people.
• Mentors are highly likely to be in senior roles or roles of influence where they can achieve a positive impact with a mentoring mindset.
  
• Mentors who are trained and brought together under a supported mentoring programme frequently use the space to support each other and form very helpful collaborative networks that benefit all with resources, signposting and wider impact.
  

I was discussing just this with Martin Lucas who interviewed me to explore the important area of mentoring support.
 
Listen to the podcast here:

Being a great mentor is a journey in itself. No sooner do you think that you are getting there with supporting others the right way through mentoring, then you discover there is more that you want to improve!
The three mentoring tips we are exploring today though are always relevant whether it is career mentoring, personal mentoring or enterprise mentoring that you are supporting:

Leave 
To achieve good things, we often need to let go of unhelpful thinking rather than actually do something. The blocks are not actual things standing in our way but our own habits, personality and mindsets that stop us being a great mentor.
Before mentoring, it is helpful to think through where you personally are on this. Some potentially useful questions to check in with yourself are:

What do I want to try and leave behind for my mentoring practice?
How am I choosing to get ready to mentor?
How calm, relaxed and open am I feeling?
How can I stay focussed on my mentee’s needs?
Do I have any unhelpful mindsets, approaches or drivers that may be best left at the door for my mentoring practice?
 
These decisions are vital to mentoring success. 

One of the most important starting points for this in your mentoring practice is to leave your ego at the door. Your experience and knowledge are only valuable as tools to ask the right questions and to help your mentee explore their own thoughts, behaviours and actions. As soon as you feel you ‘must’ share something, ask yourself ‘why?’ Check that it is truly adding independent value to help your mentee think and manage themselves well, as opposed to telling the mentee what they should do or sharing your views on how things should be done.

Watchpoints on your thoughts and your language during the mentoring session that mean you haven’t left your ego at the door include:

Direct ego-based agendas which might sound like:
This is the way to do it.
I have done it and I got it right because of my experience.
If you do it this way it will work.
 
Subtle ego-based agendas which might sound like:
I think you should do this.
I recommend you do this.
As it worked for me, you should consider doing this.
What you are telling me means you must do this.
 
It is important to check your motives when you start mentoring. Are you wanting to share your experience or to help others make sense of their own experiences? If it is the former, then your role helping others will be better positioned as an experienced colleague to check work with, an advisor, a specialist trainer or a guest speaker rather than a mentor. These roles add immense value but in a different way to mentoring.

Listen
The most valuable investment as a mentor is listening to your mentee: truly practising active listening to check understanding and reflect back the mentee’s issues and opportunities.

The trouble is as human beings, we are not very good at active listening (as opposed to hearing words). To make it harder we also tend to think we are way more skilled at listening than we really are! If we have any hidden agendas, bias or stress – like most humans 😊 - then active listening takes even more effort and concentration. This mentoring skill takes ongoing practice and effort. Using reflective practice techniques and undertaking mentor training is really valuable in this regard.

Lightbulb 
The lightbulb moment - when insight is gained, or great ideas are sparked - belongs to your mentee. As a mentor, your role is to support and challenge so that they reach that point. This is very different to trying to do their thinking for them.

This can be quite tough, especially for experienced managers who are used to getting results. It is about being focussed on the mentee’s timeframes and their space, so what might seem like an obvious solution to you may need time to filter through and develop for your mentee. It is about you supporting your mentee in a time and way that works for them to self-realise and manage themselves. This mentoring timeframe is quite likely to be different to your natural time preferences.

When we work with organisations to support the set up or running of their mentoring programmes, the clarity of the mentor role area is often one we spend the most time on. This mentor role clarity and related mentoring protocols for mentoring programmes are critical. It means mentoring risks are mitigated and that the mentoring scheme works well long-term for both the individuals involved and the organisation.

Having the right mentor who has willingly volunteered for the role for the right reasons and has been given the right training and support makes all the difference. With mentoring, we are developing the mentee’s capacity to solve their own problems. It is not for the mentor to take over that capacity, as it will inhibit progress and create dependency which is the opposite of a successful mentoring relationship.

The Code of Mentoring Practice can be a very helpful tool to discuss together at the start of your mentoring relationship to lay the right foundations. This mentoring code can be used throughout the mentoring or at key mentoring review points to check and potentially discuss how you continue to support your mentee. It can be especially helpful if you feel the mentoring is going or about to go into a different area e.g. advice or training, so that you can highlight this and agree where those other sources of help might be appropriate.

I hope you have fun with your mentoring. We would love to hear from you if you would like support or training for your mentoring programme or your mentoring.

The end of Spring is a great time for relaxation and enjoyment. It is also a good time to check in with yourself over your priorities and what is really valuable to you. Though that’s only possible when you create space to stop being in ‘busy mode’ and actually take time to listen to yourself. Time out like this is actually time in!

As leaders we are often busy listening to others or listening to our inner voice which constantly says, ‘what’s next?’ Time invested in listening to yourself will add immense value to everything you care about.

So how good are you at really listening to yourself fully?
We have been covering this area recently with clients in our Leading Yourself & Others Training and our Career Crossroads service, so this lovely fox photo really made me think.
 
We have identified the top 3 ways that our clients have found make it only too easy for them to forget to tune in, check in and listen to themselves.
 
Deadlines
This can work two ways: you can be energised to finish something that you find pleasure in or it can be a deadline that you are dreading. However, both can have an impact you do not want. This can be shown in the following examples with some of our clients:
 
A leader in a fitness-based company took on an additional sport challenge. He wanted to champion it to help his team’s understanding and awareness of one of their new fitness products. He was enjoying it, wanted to do well and ended up overtraining. This resulted in him not being able to undertake all his normal work, including travelling to all his team locations, as he injured his shoulder. His inner drive to get a result meant that he did not listen to his body’s needs.
 
A lead architect had an urgent job to complete. The tight timeframes that he had agreed with his client and the complexities of the site made the work more difficult. He wanted the design details to be just right, especially as it was an important building to the town. However, if he could not speed up his work, his client would not be able to move premises in time which would cause significant business issues for them. He was grumpy, tired and was starting to make minor mistakes. It was only on his leadership training with us that he realised the situation he was in and came up with ideas on how to resolve it.

When we push through on deadlines, we often stop listening to ourselves. The watchpoints here are ‘I have to’ or ‘I must’. In business there are usually compromises to be found as urgency is often created when it is not fully needed. A sense of urgency with a deadline rather than a paced efficient approach results in a stress response. A stress response means less capability as your problem solving, creativity and communication skills will all be significantly depleted.
 
Key questions to ask yourself:

• Are you looking at all perspectives?
• Are there any other solutions that do not impact negatively on you?
• How can you renegotiate the deadline with yourself and with others?
• What have you learnt about your own approach to deadlines?

 
People Pressure
If someone else expects you to behave and think in a certain way, then often over time you can lose track of what you are really thinking and feeling as opposed to what they want. This can lead to considerable ill health and stress.
 
One of our clients had joined the family business and was trying to work hard. His father was very proud that he had joined as he had developed a successful business from a tiny start up. However, our client was struggling to learn and progress his skills and knowledge. He was bright but his passion lay elsewhere and the professional service area he was working in did not suit him. He attended our mentor training programme which we ran for the business and realised through that what he was really feeling and why. The value of seeing things through different perspectives really made a difference to him.
 
When our values and needs are being compromised over time in order to meet others’ values and needs, we stop listening to ourselves. What happens is that we simply disengage on a subconscious level. This leads to strained relationships and poor business results alongside health issues.
 
Key questions to ask yourself:

• What do you really want from your business/career?
• Is your current role fully meeting your needs?
• Are these your goals or someone else’s?
• Have you explored all options that are important to you?

 
Culture
This is where you stop listening to yourself because ‘that’s the way we do it around here’ culture exists. There is a strong need to fit in and it can be only too easy to not even realise any negative affect it is having on you. For example, a long working hours culture can easily become the norm, however, all the latest research shows that working longer hours and not taking breaks is simply unproductive. Equally worrying is the research over multitasking which is showing the longer-term damage it does to our brains.
 
Our client was very excited to start her new role leading a bigger team across three areas in the bidding profession. She had a prior track record of high performance and great team engagement. However, she had not realised that the overseas merger that was mentioned at interview was changing organisational culture. Originally the company had been promised a stand-alone set-up, but one month later that was no longer the case. All her prior research into company ethos, culture and values was therefore not relevant.
 
The culture became extremely top down and metric driven with a lack of engagement. Our client became increasingly concerned over staff morale and turnover, however, she felt that she ‘should’ fit in. Direct guidance from her Line Manager over managing a ‘lazy’ team and refusing emergency leave for staff cut across her own values and beliefs. Instead of listening to herself she was becoming increasingly stressed trying to manage her team as they wanted her to.
 
Through our Career Crossroads service, she was able to identify why the new role was not working for her instead of trying harder and harder to fit in and feeling like she was failing. She was then able to gain what she wanted from the role whilst creating a platform to exit at the right time for the right role.
 
Key questions to ask yourself:

• How can you create a better culture for yourself and your team?
• How can you best respect yourself as well as others?
• How can you best look after your body and mind?
• What is the most effective way for you to work?
• Have you got your balance right?

It is often hard to listen to yourself when you have not done it for a while. Investing time to do this means you are on the right track for you, and you are protecting your time, your energy, your relationships and your professional career.
 
Mentoring and leadership training solutions work brilliantly here to create a helpful and supportive space so you can decide your priorities and solutions for yourself.

So, here’s wishing you a lovely summer ahead and lovely time out to check in with yourself. 😊