Being a great mentor is a journey in itself. No sooner do you think that you are getting there with supporting others the right way through mentoring, then you discover there is more that you want to improve!
The three mentoring tips we are exploring today though are always relevant whether it is career mentoring, personal mentoring or enterprise mentoring that you are supporting:
The three mentoring tips we are exploring today though are always relevant whether it is career mentoring, personal mentoring or enterprise mentoring that you are supporting:
Leave
To achieve good things, we often need to let go of unhelpful thinking rather than actually do something. The blocks are not actual things standing in our way but our own habits, personality and mindsets that stop us being a great mentor.
Before mentoring, it is helpful to think through where you personally are on this. Some potentially useful questions to check in with yourself are:
What do I want to try and leave behind for my mentoring practice?
How am I choosing to get ready to mentor?
How calm, relaxed and open am I feeling?
How can I stay focussed on my mentee’s needs?
Do I have any unhelpful mindsets, approaches or drivers that may be best left at the door for my mentoring practice?
These decisions are vital to mentoring success.
One of the most important starting points for this in your mentoring practice is to leave your ego at the door. Your experience and knowledge are only valuable as tools to ask the right questions and to help your mentee explore their own thoughts, behaviours and actions. As soon as you feel you ‘must’ share something, ask yourself ‘why?’ Check that it is truly adding independent value to help your mentee think and manage themselves well, as opposed to telling the mentee what they should do or sharing your views on how things should be done.
Watchpoints on your thoughts and your language during the mentoring session that mean you haven’t left your ego at the door include:
Direct ego-based agendas which might sound like:
This is the way to do it.
I have done it and I got it right because of my experience.
If you do it this way it will work.
Subtle ego-based agendas which might sound like:
I think you should do this.
I recommend you do this.
As it worked for me, you should consider doing this.
What you are telling me means you must do this.
It is important to check your motives when you start mentoring. Are you wanting to share your experience or to help others make sense of their own experiences? If it is the former, then your role helping others will be better positioned as an experienced colleague to check work with, an advisor, a specialist trainer or a guest speaker rather than a mentor. These roles add immense value but in a different way to mentoring.
Listen
The most valuable investment as a mentor is listening to your mentee: truly practising active listening to check understanding and reflect back the mentee’s issues and opportunities.
The trouble is as human beings, we are not very good at active listening (as opposed to hearing words). To make it harder we also tend to think we are way more skilled at listening than we really are! If we have any hidden agendas, bias or stress – like most humans 😊 - then active listening takes even more effort and concentration. This mentoring skill takes ongoing practice and effort. Using reflective practice techniques and undertaking mentor training is really valuable in this regard.
Lightbulb
The lightbulb moment - when insight is gained, or great ideas are sparked - belongs to your mentee. As a mentor, your role is to support and challenge so that they reach that point. This is very different to trying to do their thinking for them.
This can be quite tough, especially for experienced managers who are used to getting results. It is about being focussed on the mentee’s timeframes and their space, so what might seem like an obvious solution to you may need time to filter through and develop for your mentee. It is about you supporting your mentee in a time and way that works for them to self-realise and manage themselves. This mentoring timeframe is quite likely to be different to your natural time preferences.
When we work with organisations to support the set up or running of their mentoring programmes, the clarity of the mentor role area is often one we spend the most time on. This mentor role clarity and related mentoring protocols for mentoring programmes are critical. It means mentoring risks are mitigated and that the mentoring scheme works well long-term for both the individuals involved and the organisation.
Having the right mentor who has willingly volunteered for the role for the right reasons and has been given the right training and support makes all the difference. With mentoring, we are developing the mentee’s capacity to solve their own problems. It is not for the mentor to take over that capacity, as it will inhibit progress and create dependency which is the opposite of a successful mentoring relationship.
The Code of Mentoring Practice can be a very helpful tool to discuss together at the start of your mentoring relationship to lay the right foundations. This mentoring code can be used throughout the mentoring or at key mentoring review points to check and potentially discuss how you continue to support your mentee. It can be especially helpful if you feel the mentoring is going or about to go into a different area e.g. advice or training, so that you can highlight this and agree where those other sources of help might be appropriate.
I hope you have fun with your mentoring. We would love to hear from you if you would like support or training for your mentoring programme or your mentoring.
To achieve good things, we often need to let go of unhelpful thinking rather than actually do something. The blocks are not actual things standing in our way but our own habits, personality and mindsets that stop us being a great mentor.
Before mentoring, it is helpful to think through where you personally are on this. Some potentially useful questions to check in with yourself are:
What do I want to try and leave behind for my mentoring practice?
How am I choosing to get ready to mentor?
How calm, relaxed and open am I feeling?
How can I stay focussed on my mentee’s needs?
Do I have any unhelpful mindsets, approaches or drivers that may be best left at the door for my mentoring practice?
These decisions are vital to mentoring success.
One of the most important starting points for this in your mentoring practice is to leave your ego at the door. Your experience and knowledge are only valuable as tools to ask the right questions and to help your mentee explore their own thoughts, behaviours and actions. As soon as you feel you ‘must’ share something, ask yourself ‘why?’ Check that it is truly adding independent value to help your mentee think and manage themselves well, as opposed to telling the mentee what they should do or sharing your views on how things should be done.
Watchpoints on your thoughts and your language during the mentoring session that mean you haven’t left your ego at the door include:
Direct ego-based agendas which might sound like:
This is the way to do it.
I have done it and I got it right because of my experience.
If you do it this way it will work.
Subtle ego-based agendas which might sound like:
I think you should do this.
I recommend you do this.
As it worked for me, you should consider doing this.
What you are telling me means you must do this.
It is important to check your motives when you start mentoring. Are you wanting to share your experience or to help others make sense of their own experiences? If it is the former, then your role helping others will be better positioned as an experienced colleague to check work with, an advisor, a specialist trainer or a guest speaker rather than a mentor. These roles add immense value but in a different way to mentoring.
Listen
The most valuable investment as a mentor is listening to your mentee: truly practising active listening to check understanding and reflect back the mentee’s issues and opportunities.
The trouble is as human beings, we are not very good at active listening (as opposed to hearing words). To make it harder we also tend to think we are way more skilled at listening than we really are! If we have any hidden agendas, bias or stress – like most humans 😊 - then active listening takes even more effort and concentration. This mentoring skill takes ongoing practice and effort. Using reflective practice techniques and undertaking mentor training is really valuable in this regard.
Lightbulb
The lightbulb moment - when insight is gained, or great ideas are sparked - belongs to your mentee. As a mentor, your role is to support and challenge so that they reach that point. This is very different to trying to do their thinking for them.
This can be quite tough, especially for experienced managers who are used to getting results. It is about being focussed on the mentee’s timeframes and their space, so what might seem like an obvious solution to you may need time to filter through and develop for your mentee. It is about you supporting your mentee in a time and way that works for them to self-realise and manage themselves. This mentoring timeframe is quite likely to be different to your natural time preferences.
When we work with organisations to support the set up or running of their mentoring programmes, the clarity of the mentor role area is often one we spend the most time on. This mentor role clarity and related mentoring protocols for mentoring programmes are critical. It means mentoring risks are mitigated and that the mentoring scheme works well long-term for both the individuals involved and the organisation.
Having the right mentor who has willingly volunteered for the role for the right reasons and has been given the right training and support makes all the difference. With mentoring, we are developing the mentee’s capacity to solve their own problems. It is not for the mentor to take over that capacity, as it will inhibit progress and create dependency which is the opposite of a successful mentoring relationship.
The Code of Mentoring Practice can be a very helpful tool to discuss together at the start of your mentoring relationship to lay the right foundations. This mentoring code can be used throughout the mentoring or at key mentoring review points to check and potentially discuss how you continue to support your mentee. It can be especially helpful if you feel the mentoring is going or about to go into a different area e.g. advice or training, so that you can highlight this and agree where those other sources of help might be appropriate.
I hope you have fun with your mentoring. We would love to hear from you if you would like support or training for your mentoring programme or your mentoring.
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