As mentors our listening skills are the most important skills that we have. Closely listening to your mentee helps you to observe how your mentee is seeing issues and opportunities. Listening gives you insights into how best to support your mentee in understanding themselves and in turn moving forward. The best mentors are the ones that have the right questions - not the right answers.
 
Listening is an invaluable life skill and the cornerstone of high emotional intelligence. Many new mentors tell me they now realise how useful this skill is. They see that listening is transferable to their leadership roles, as well as helping with their professional and personal relationships.

So here is a quick insight into 5 key areas of listening that I hope will help you personally and professionally, as well as sharing what mentoring can involve:

1. Focus
As humans we communicate a lot so you may assume we are naturally good at it. Sadly, that is not the case! Part of communicating is listening which is a skill that can be learnt, practised, and continually improved.
 
Research suggests that we focus and remember only between 25% and 50% of what we hear.
That means that when you talk to people that are important to you, including your family, on average they will be taking in less than half of the conversation. The added challenge is you won't know which of the 25-50 percent they have missed!

As a mentor it means that unless you are aware of this challenge and continually focus on improving your skills when you are in a conversation with your mentee, you will not be taking in all of what your mentee is saying either.

In addition, our life mentor specialist, Adam, likes to remind us: “Whatever you focus on expands.”
In other words, if you are looking for particular themes or confirmations you will only listen and look to the part that reinforces your focus. That focus then becomes utmost in your mind and has a greater impact for you. Clearly, if you are using this knowledge to focus on positive outcomes this can often be a very useful way to listen and communicate. The issue here is that humans are very good at focussing on negatives not positives.

2. Emotion
To get the best out of a conversation, it is necessary to connect emotionally. My friend, Professor Kiran Trehan, reminded me of this at one of her lectures quoting Maya Angelou: “People will forget what you said and did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
 
Listening shows how much you value someone. By listening carefully, you make them feel their views and opinions are important to you and that you care. This includes all your relationships, professional or personal. All of these will work better if they connect with you through communicating on an emotional level.

This can be difficult for some mentors, as they feel that they need to be senior and be the guide. That isn't mentoring and having an ego in mentoring is unhelpful to you and your mentee.
To connect with people emotionally as a mentor, you need to be just you. There is only one of you and people will feel when you are being authentic.

3. Interpretation
Whenever someone is talking roughly 7% is speech; and 38% is pitch, emotion, speed, volume and tone. So the majority, the 55 % left, is body language.

Your ears can only pick up the sounds of language, not its physical expressions. Your ears can only hear what is being said; they pass on the signal to the brain. Hearing what is NOT said only takes place in the brain itself. Your brain simultaneously processes and works out signals from the eyes and the ears, picking up these so much faster than conscious thought.

So, what is your mentee really sharing with you? Listening needs to include all your senses. Start thinking:

• What is being said?
• Is there anything not being said?
• What hidden messages are there below the surface?
• Do the non-verbal signals match the words being said?
• Why did they say something?
• Has anything been left out?
• Do you feel your mentee is being authentic, transparent and honest?

Your personal and professional instincts in mentoring are very powerful tools that are really helpful to you here. So by being observant and focussing on using all of your wider information tools, you will becoming better at understanding unspoken messages and therefore become a much better listener and mentor.

4. Personal bias 
Everyone has biases and to be a great listener it is critical to have an awareness of these biases.
We apply bias without realising and sometimes this is just in a small way. Any bias however will be both damaging to you and those that you support through mentoring. It is therefore important to consider:

• Have you accurately interpreted what your mentee said?
• Is their meaning clear or have you added your own translation? 
• Are you so focused on hearing what you want to hear that you have missed something important?

 
One example is with closeness communication bias. People frequently overestimate their ability to communicate, especially with people they know well. Research shows that people who know each other well understand each other no better than people who had recently met! Our problem in communicating with people we know is that we have an illusion that they really know and understand us to the extent they can ‘fill in the gaps’. In other words, when we speak with people we know well, we make assumptions about what they understand.

So in the mentoring world you need to take as much care with a mentee that you have been working with for a long time to continually check your and their understanding as you would with a new mentee relationship.

5. Active listening
“You have been given two ears and one mouth, so you should use them in that proportion”.

The way to improve your listening skills is to practice "active listening." This is where you make a conscious focussed effort to hear the words that another person is saying and critically focus your attention on the complete message being sent. To make this work as a mentor you will need to use your brain and concentrate a lot! That is because you need to use all your senses and all of your awareness.

How to improve listening with your brain

The great news is once you appreciate that something you have done naturally for your whole life can be enhanced by mentoring practice and awareness then it is easily improved. Here are 10 quick practical mentor actions:

Simple steps like these will really help you, your leadership and your mentoring.
They all make it clear that you value the other person and your relationship with them.

Happy listening!

Mentoring has the very special power to help you at any stage of your life, your career and your business.😊 
 
For you to make the most out of mentoring, it is really important to know what type of mentoring solution will be the best for you and your teams. 

There are 3 main ways that mentoring works, which I have shared for you here:

Life mentoring 
This is also known as personal mentoring. This type of mentoring focuses on you as an individual and where you want to be. It will often include elements of your career or business to explore. This would be in areas such as work-life balance or difficult working relationships but only where those areas impact on you as an individual. This type of mentoring is especially valuable at key life stages e.g. serious illness, a general sense of wanting more from your life, divorce, redundancy and retirement.

Career/educational mentoring 
This type of mentoring is where you want to get to the next stage of learning and development for your educational and career goals. These goals are not necessarily about promotion or change of roles. They can be about being the best in your current role or thinking about role enhancements or changes. It is often used for aspiring leaders/students with extra potential. However, it is very helpful for anyone to support them manage their career or study commitments well. It has also proved a useful tool for those who feel disengaged. Although in those cases it tends to be more of a life mentoring session with the emphasis on the outcomes that relate to the disengagement e.g. dropping out of college.

Enterprise mentoring 
This is also known as business mentoring and its purpose is to help a key person in a business at any stage of its cycle. This is from pre-start stages through to start up, growth or exit and succession planning. Whilst this mentoring focusses on the business, the individual’s leadership skills will also be explored. This is, therefore, a brilliant tool if you want to develop both yourself and your business. It combines well with other forms of business support, especially training.


Once you have decided which type of mentoring is the right one for you at the time then the next decision is which delivery method you will feel most comfortable with. There are many ways, all of which work.

The key delivery methods of mentoring are:

One-to-one face-to-face mentoring 
This is still the most popular delivery method, and with good reason. Most of what we communicate is non-verbal so by being with someone who is an experienced mentor, they will be able to notice areas that need exploring more easily and help you come to your own conclusions.

One-to-one via remote channels 
This can be through the use of the phone or video conferencing. This is a great solution where time and distance are challenges. Greater care is needed to set frameworks and the mentoring relationship up. It can often make the interactions faster and more intense which works well for some, whilst others need more thinking and reflection time. It often works best when you have already met face-to-face first or as part of your overall mentoring relationship.

Peer-to-peer mentoring 
This is where a small group of people mentor each other. Often they take turns to bring one issue each to the table. It really can bring people together. Great structure, careful management and facilitation is key, otherwise individuals can feel left out or overwhelmed as they have too many conflicting questions and ideas with the greater number of people involved.

Speed mentoring 
These are mini sessions where you either have one-to-one taster sessions or meet a mentor (often a specialist) at a quick round table with others. This is best for a quick input and review on something important to you or to explore whether you feel mentoring is the right solution for you.

Specialist mentoring 
This most often occurs with enterprise mentoring where you have specific mentoring sessions for a particular issue whilst often you still stay with your overall mentor. This is especially valuable to think through big changes such as trading internationally or expanding your digital capability where often one session will help you think things through and your overall mentor then supports you in taking that thinking through all parts of your business.

Reverse mentoring 
This is most often used in career mentoring. It is where a senior colleague is mentored by a more junior colleague. It is often used when one person is very senior looking at areas such as strategy and planning head office work and the junior colleague is in a front line position. The benefits are that both see a different point of view and develop through that, whilst also improving the organisation. Whilst it is possible for this to work well on occasion, it needs to be a very carefully implemented solution as protocols are needed to protect and support the junior mentor.

Swap mentoring 
This is where 2 individuals both have mentoring skills and have knowledge in complementary areas. This can work brilliantly as a trusted relationship where you both support each other. It can be great fun and very rewarding. The downside is the amount of time needed as you have to act as both mentee and mentor.

Supply chain/client mentoring 
This is where an organisation mentors their stakeholders. It has huge benefits as it upskills both the individuals involved .as well as bringing overall relationships and understanding together. This option works best with full facilitation and programme management.


It is also possible for people to be involved in more than one mentoring relationship/mentor programme at a time. Whilst this can work, having more than one mentor at a time can be too much for people to get the most from the experience.
 
However, it's really worth mentioning here that whatever you decide is right for you right now will work. Going forward at any time, as things change in your life, career and business different types of mentoring/mentoring programme may be more valuable for you.
 
Whichever option you choose I am totally convinced that you will gain benefit. I hope this helps you decide the right option for you. Mentoring works 😊

If you want to know more, please contact us.

We can support you with the design, training, delivery and structure of any mentoring programme to suit your needs.

 
Welcome!  A big thank you for taking time to read this and for considering mentoring. In this post, Jackie Jenks OBE, Leapfrog Mountain’s Founder, talks about the ways in which mentoring could help you to embark on a totally rewarding, enjoyable journey:
 
Why am I so confident?
After mentoring and being mentored myself, I can see, first-hand, the benefits of it. Through my wider national and international work with mentoring, I am lucky enough to see ‘acres’ of research proving the benefits. The numerous mentors that I have supported on the journey also tell me that they have gained so much from it.

So whilst I am confident you will enjoy mentoring, what other benefits does it bring?

1. The ability to truly help others
As a mentor you are sharing a special gift that it is invaluable – your time. Mentor training will help you use your mentoring time for the utmost long-term good of those you want to help.

2. The ability to truly help yourself
As a mentor we share and develop skills in our training and ongoing support that are intrinsic leadership and life skills: how to listen effectively; how to be aware of unconscious messages; and how to be more emotionally intelligent.

These are transferable skills for home and work. The fascinating thing about a successful mentoring relationship is that you learn just as much yourself as does your mentee – a true win–win for all involved. You will gain skills, confidence and experience that are valuable in all areas of your life.

3. The ability to view things from different perspectives
Often in our work and home life we spend time with people who are very similar to ourselves. We are surrounded by people with similar education, attitudes, and beliefs. Often, we don't even realise how our version of ‘normal’ is seen from different perspectives.

Mentoring gives you an excellent way to meet new people, see different perspectives and learn different things. The mentor training gives you and your mentee a safe framework to do exactly that.

We cover the codes of conduct and throughout the mentor training we explore areas to be careful with so you can support and challenge perspectives in the best way.

4. Meeting new people
Overall, the mentor community is a positive collaborative one that loves to share news and views. The mentor training gives you a chance to benefit from meeting like-minded people like you that genuinely care about making a difference.
 
5. Developing Your Team and Organisation
The mentor training works brilliantly when it is part of team or organisation-wide development or social impact programme. This way the mentoring training achieves organisational goals for growth, engagement and impact, whilst supporting individuals’ growth too. We support organisations in creating the right mentoring programme for their goals with training and guidance for mentoring programme leaders/ambassadors alongside the mentor training.
 
So, I hope you decide to take a leap into mentoring in 2023.

Curious to learn more? Why not get in touch for a chat? We look forward to hearing from you!

Jackie
 
 
 
Don’t just take my word for it…..delegates from previous Leapfrog Mountain training courses have given the following feedback:
 
“Excellent trainer, very knowledgeable with real life experience and was the perfect person to lead the training as she brought the subject to life in a well delivered programme. It’s made me much better informed about how to be a mentor in my career and to use in my private life. I felt the course was the tip of the iceberg as there was plenty more to discuss if we had more time and more training would be great when we are at the next stage of mentoring.”
Corporate Relationship Director, HSBC
 
 
“Having worked with Jackie and Leapfrog Training for almost a year now, I can honestly say that choosing to work together was one of the best career decisions I’ve made. Jackie has directly supported me with a bespoke mentoring programme which has been adapted (sometimes mid-session!) through periods of significant change and growth. A highly intuitive and empathetic leader, Jackie has an uncanny ability to unpick complexity and help you find the right answers with the care and attention of a critical friend. A huge plus point has been the flexibility built into the programme. Key themes are drawn in from Leapfrog’s training material, but sessions are adapted to suit your needs at that time. This is combined with Jackie’s personal experiences and anecdotes which are drawn upon from a very successful and diverse career. Working with Leapfrog has been a hugely beneficial and transformative personal experience which has opened my eyes to the benefits of an effective mentor.”
COO, Capita Consulting